Beyond the Mirror
Welcome to Beyond the Mirror’s website

If there is to be peace in the world there must be peace in the home.
Violence in the home is everyone’s problem.
Each of us must be part of the solution.
We must do all that we can in the time that we have.

This site provides:
  • A free e-book of poetry on psychological abuse; (click on book cover below)
  • Information on unhealthy/abusive relationships;
  • How we can help as individuals and as communities.
Our mission is to work for peace in homes by distributing information about unhealthy/violent relationships; suggesting ways to help individuals in such relationships; and empowering and affirming victim/survivors.

Actions Community Members Can Take
Ways you can help create a peaceful community
  • Educate yourself. Attend programs and seminars that are designed to educate the community and professionals about the indicators, effects, and responses to violence in homes.
  • Utilize existing programs that use positive male role models to inspire boys to be non-violent, such as Coaching Boys into Men. See website Family Violence Prevention Fund. Work for full equality between men and women in society and in personal relationships.
  • Unplug children from violent media.
  • Promote good sports etiquette. Seek to adopt sanctions against violent behaviors at athletic events.
  • Teach children methods of peaceful conflict resolution.
  • Teach children effective and respectful ways to express negative emotions such as sadness and anger.
  • Never excuse behaviors by saying, "Boys will be boys," "You throw like a girl," or other negative language that stereotypes sexes into negative or subordinate role models.
  • Support athletic activities that involve cooperation, fun, physical health, and camaraderie.
  • Do not ignore situations when someone is being hurt. Call for help.
  • Recognize the impact of war on males and females of all ages. Resist glorifying violence.
  • Volunteer for agencies that provide services to abuse victims and the homeless such as family violence organizations, Big Brother, Big Sister, Kinship, and others whose role is to provide support and positive adult role models to at-risk children who often experience violence in their lives, Be advocates for victim/survivors and their children.
  • Acknowledge and espouse the realities that words can be very violent and harmful.
  • Work to effect public policy changes that support the rights of abuse victims and their children.
  • Join community or faith groups whose focus is on family violence issues such as domestic violence, child abuse, sexual violence, and pet abuse. Often their work includes community awareness and education as well as victim services.
  • Seek opportunities to volunteer to foster pets whose owners are abuse victims and are unable to access shelter because they fear for their animal's safety.
  • Encourage family violence awareness initiatives such as having speakers and materials for civic organizations such as Rotary, VFW, Lions Club, and the American Legion.
  • Select "Resources" tab or click on Family Violence Prevention Fund for further information.
Use Poetry from Beyond the Mirror
  • Public places
    • Distribute at community events, health fairs, healing services.
    • Leave in waiting rooms in clinics.
    • Place books in coffee shops.
  • Educational settings
    • Teach teens about healthy relationships.
    • Include in classroom lectures in secondary schools and colleges for such classes as psychology, health care professionals' domestic violence classes, family life, and health.
    • "I teach public health nursing and would like to use the book in my class and would like to give another to a friend who is emotionally abused."
    • Faith communities
    • Resource for homilies.
    • Education of lay ministers.
    • Peace and justice groups.
    • Readings at ecumenical gatherings.
  • Therapeutic settings
    • Support groups.
    • Recovery groups.
    • Individual counseling: loan the book to patients.
    • "I loved the book. Many of the women in my practice experience devastating emotional abuse. I am planning to loan your book out to some of these women to read and reflect on. This is so necessary. I will put the books to good use."
  • Pass it on
    • Families and friends, to help them understand how it effects victims.
    • Victims feel affirmed reading the poetry.
  • Creative ideas
    • "I plan to give my daughter your book. She is a Director in the Canadian Justice Department. She heads Human Rights in Canada. Her particular passion is women's rights. I think the book will be in good hands."
  • Book clubs
    • Make it one of the groups’ selections.
    • "We used the format of reading the book and had people read the paragraph they wrote. We got into some significant personal sharing about our experiences, what constitutes abuse, especially emotional abuse, and we went from 7:30 'til 10:00 pm. I shared some of my experiences that helped get the sharing started. We also read some of the poetry that were favorites or referred to poems that particularly touched us."
  • Others
    • Hair salons.
    • Community volunteers.
    • Libraries.
    • Yoga classes (the last poem).
    • Media: television, newsletters, news articles.
    • Read at meetings such as inter-faith, community lunch and learn, and business gatherings.
  • Quotes
    • Your book is very touching. I read it in one sitting, and it brought back many poignant, uneasy moments from my first marriage. Hopefully your book may be a touch point and catalyst for others to recognize they need to make changes to be able to live a more fruitful, respectful life.
    • My husband was emotionally abusive and volatile throughout our marriage...I was set free and given a second chance in life. Unfortunately, he is now fighting me for custody of our three daughters (6, 3 and 2).....I am having trouble putting words to the emotions that I experienced during my abusive marriage or describing enough detailed accounts, as I have blocked so much of it from my mind, to make a compelling argument before the court. I'm hoping your book will trigger my memories.
    • We at the dental office liked the book so much we are requesting 10 more copies.
    • Thank you so very much for sending me the book. It is truly a thoughtful and thought-provoking piece of work. I naively expected to sit down and spend an hour or so to read it. Not so! I have found myself re-reading poems 2 or 3 times and am just 1/3 of the way through. I know who I intend to pass the book to as your subtitle suggests. I volunteer at a literacy center and am currently tutoring a 50-year-old Spanish speaking grandmother. She has told me that she was physically abused by her ex-husband. She is raising 2 grandchildren, one of whom is a teenage girl who she fears will end up in a similar relationship. She'll get the 'Mirror.'
    • I hope the book will teach my daughters some signs of emotional abuse." "I passed it on to my friend who was in a very emotionally abusive marriage. He has found it very comforting. He mentioned it is hard for a man to admit that he can be abused; it is nice to see that angle of abuse being out 'out there' for men as well.
Those who receive this free book are asked to read it, make use of the material, then pass it on to others which has resulted in a variety of responses and ideas as to how and where the book might be useful.